Forming A Disaster
by To Be A Necessity
Summary: Clare's junior year starts off as a bore; with no Eli Goldsworthy and Adam Torres, she had no one. But flames restart, and only send trouble for Clare. Part Clare/Everything.
1. The First Day

**Sorry for my hiatus on Fanfic. I had my first day of high school and then my birthday this week, so it's been hectic!**

**This is a brand new idea that I have had recently of Clare Edwards' junior year of Degrassi. There will be more flashbacks to fill you in on what happened over the second semester of sophomore year and that summer.**

**Reviews are respected.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, but I do own Ms. Wilden.**

**P.S.-I also may change my username soon, so don't worry if it does change ;)**

* * *

I looked in my full length mirror once more, smoothing down my skirt before going downstairs. Junior year was already upon us after a crazy two years of Degrassi, and I didn't know where all the time had gone. I was halfway through high school.

I loathed the red polo that I now had to wear. Fortunately, everyone else in my grade would be wearing the same thing, also. I saw my mother on the couch, watching the news and my father nowhere in sight. I sighed; this was how it was resolved-my father left and had moved on. Of course, my mother had also, but it wasn't the same. It never would be the same.

"Hi, honey." She greeted, holding her coffee cup gently in her hands. I smiled.

"Hi, mom." I said, going into the kitchen. I packed my lunch before returning into the living room to depart from the house. "I'm going." I stated, walking out of the house, hearing a soft murmur from my mother.

* * *

Walking to school was easier than any other transportation possible for me. I looked forward to walking; it was my 'me time'.

I couldn't help myself but think of particular people that I had grown accustomed to last year; Adam Torres and Eli Goldsworthy being two of them. I winced slightly, thinking about all the hardships we had had together last year because we had become great friends, but that was the price.

I only wished that things had gone better between the three of us.

Reaching the school, a smile tugged at my lips. This was my second home; one in which I could enjoy if I ignored the drama. Academics were easy to me, and most of the classes I had found enjoyable. Alli was coming back to Degrassi after leaving the second semester of sophomore year. I was truly excited that her parents had allowed her to come back to Degrassi.

Coming up to the doors, I hesitantly opened one, recognizing the scent of the school once again. Mr. Simpson had toned down the rules partly; no police officers would check bags or be in the hallways. Instead, three cars would be outside, in front of the exits. That was something that I had enjoyed; high school was about freedom.

The uniforms stayed though, and the colors still did not conflate with one another. And no PDA was allowed either, but I didn't have a problem with it. I didn't have a boyfriend; therefore it did not involve me.

"Alli?" I asked incredulously. I was smiling like an idiot as Alli pulled me into a tight hug, both of us giggling in disbelief. Alli hadn't changed much; her hair was now past her chest and she wore no jewelry. Her high heels were replaced with cute flats and she wore less makeup.

"Clare!" She giggled, jumping up and down.

"I see you've changed." I stated, looking down at her shoes. Alli nodded, her face slightly falling. She rolled her eyes.

"Parents." She murmured, the smile coming back. "They said as long as I get good grades, and keep down the PDA I can stay! Isn't that good?" I agreed as we walked down the halls, exchanging schedules.

"Well," I started. "At least we have most classes together." I gave back her schedule, and she stopped suddenly at one of the lockers which I guessed belonged to her this year. I smiled as I saw that mine was next to hers.

"So, what has happened recently? We haven't talked about anything since I left." She shyly laughed, looking down. I breathed in deeply, ignoring the pang in my stomach.

"Well, my parents have gone their own ways, Eli and I aren't together any-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" She repeated, putting a hand in front of her. I swallowed hardly as I acknowledged her eyes boring a hole into mine. "What happened?"

I could already feel all the memories rushing back to me about Eli and I hanging out together, me falling for him again, and him staying the same. "He couldn't change for me, Alli." I nearly whispered, my heartbeat increasing.

"So that's it?" Alli nearly shouted at me. I rolled my eyes.

"It wasn't going to work out, Alli." I stated, closing my locker. Alli did the same.

"So, Saint Clare gives up? Uh, not on my watch!" I could see a smile tugging at her lips ever so slightly, and so I groaned.

"Please don't start this," I pleaded as she grabbed my arm. "Nothing will change my mind!"

I hadn't expected Alli to bring me to our first class of the day; it was something unordinary for Alli Bhandari. Alli brought me to one of the tables by the door, smiling slightly at the teacher as we sat next to each other.

"Since when do you drag me to class?" I asked, grinning. She shook her head.

"I have no choice anymore." She half whispered as the first bell rang, and several other students came in. I smiled as I saw Adam come in, but he barely brought back the gesture, sending a sharp pain in my stomach. "So what? Now both of them dislike you?" Alli asked as I grew more serious.

"Adam is Eli's best friend. Once I told Eli we couldnt' be together, Eli couldn't stand knowing that Adam and I would remain the same, so they both edged me out."

"Ouch." She muttured under her breath as the teacher introduced herself as Ms. Wilden. The class was slow as I stole glances at Adam, who was paying attention directly to Ms. Wilden. I frowned again, thinking about how things could've gone if I had sorted things out with Eli. Of course now, all I had was Alli. Jenna and I had become friends again, but the Next Teen Star competition was still on, and her baby was soon due, so she was being homeschooled for the first semester.

I hated to think that Adam was eschewing me just because Eli ordered him to. I had taken the hint several weeks after the new rules were in order at Degrassi, after Adam and Eli would glance in my direction, and then look away, uninterested. I missed seeing them laugh with me.

I sighed. I missed having my family _together_.

* * *

The school day went the same as always, and I walked back home. The redolent flowers were almost enough for me to stop on the way to my house, but it reminded me of when I had hung out with Eli.

_"This one's pretty," I said, plucking out one of the flowers from the earthy ground, twirling it with fingers. I gently gave it to Eli._

"_It is. But it won't stay pretty." He stated, tossing the flower. I frowned._

"_That's because it's a cycle of life," I started, trying to brighten the atmosphere. "Everything dies, and then is reborn. Like Jesus." Eli snorted at my example, which made me smile. I looked down at the flower._

"_It's the same for everything." He murmured quietly. I looked up to see his emerald eyes boring into mine. "Like relationships; families, friends, etcetera-they all have a cycle."_

_I shyly nodded, looking far away from the scene that was next to me. "Does this mean that _we_ will change?" I asked, and he solemnly nodded._

"_It's nature." He concluded, crossing his legs, already bored of the conversation._

My eyes tightened as my pace quickened to my house, slamming the door behind me as I reached it. I was happy to still be alone; my mom wouldn't be home until late in the day.

I trudged to my room, closing my eyes to find unconsciousness quickly.


	2. Old Friend

**I can guarantee to you all that this will come out _far _differently than you think. This is just the beginning, but I assure you that it gets better.**

**Also, do you want to know what song inspires each of these chapters? I often relate my chapters to a song, and I think it'd help on some levels.**

**Once again, reviews are always appreciated. I'd also like to thank all those who have reviewed already and have made this story a Favorite or a Story Alert =)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi**

* * *

I woke up to the smell of lasagna as I glanced at the clock, acknowledging that my mom had come home while I was asleep. I slowly got out of bed, yawning before leaving my room. After dinner, I would start my homework, and then go back to bed. It was my daily routine nowadays since my friends hadn't bothered to make plans with me, so I stayed isolated for most of my time.

"Smells good." I said, my mother slightly jumping at my voice.

"I was going to wake you, but I figured you'd wake up soon enough," she smiled, cutting the lasagna. I sat down at the table as she brought the two plates to the table. "So how was school?" She asked, and I shrugged.

"Alli came back." I said, and her face lightened.

"And how has she been?" She asked, and I rolled my eyes while she wasn't looking. If anyone knew Alli, then they knew that she had hated leaving Degrassi.

"Let's just say, she's happy to be back." I had already finished my lasagna, nearly scarfing it down. I hadn't noticed that I was hungry.

"Oh, before I forget," My mother said as I was getting up from my seat. I raised one of my eyebrows as she swallowed her food. "One of your friends was at the door when I got home; he asked if he could meet you somewhere to catch up sometime." She smiled, not acknowledging that I hadn't hung out with any boys lately. Was it Eli?

"Do you know who?" I asked cautiously, taking my plate to the kitchen. My eyebrows furrowed as I thought of why Eli would come over after everything.

"Adam Torres, I think?" I sighed with relief as I dropped my plate into the sink. "But yes, he would like to catch up with you, preferably tonight or tomorrow."

"Okay," I said to my mom, biting my lip. I fought the urge to smile. "I'll go ask him if he wants to meet up tonight." I stated, running upstairs to get my phone. I quickly dialed his number, him answering on the second ring.

"Clare!" He excitedly said, and I smiled. I hadn't heard him say my name with such enthusiasm in months.

"Hey Adam," I said. "My mom said that you came over?"

After a slight pause he answered. "Yeah! I wanted to see if you wanted to talk or something tonight; the Dot?" He asked, and I furrowed my brows.

"How about the park?" I asked, not wanting to step foot in the Dot.

"Sure." He agreed. "I'll uh… meet you in ten?"

"Yeah." I said, my enthusiasm plummeting. Why had I gotten so excited to see Adam? Was it because he hadn't acknowledged my existence in _months_? I closed the phone as I walked downstairs, telling my mom the game plan. "I'll be back by ten." I said, and she nodded as she kept washing the dishes.

* * *

The sky was slightly darkening as I reached the park, seeing Adam sitting on one of the tables, his feet tapping the chair. I walked up to him, smiling.

"Hey." I said, putting my hands in my pockets. Adam then turned around, looking away from his comic, and his smile mirrored mine.

"Hey, Clare." He said, his eyes shining. He beckoned me to sit next to him, which I happily did.

"So… what was this about?" I asked, looking away from Adam. Was he going to ignore me after tonight?

"I just wanted to say," He hesitated, letting out a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

My eyes widened as I lowered my gaze at him. "What?"

"I'm sorry," He repeated, "That I have been ignoring you. You're one of my friends, and I should treat you better. Even after you helped me with the Gracie incident…" he paused once more, his eyes softening. "It's not right for me to ignore one of my best friends because my other one tells me to."

I tapped my feet slightly, watching my knees move up and down. The awkward silence was just as I had expected, but I hadn't expected it to be because of this.

"I don't know what to say." I honestly said. "I mean, you ignore me for almost half a year, and then you suddenly talk to me." I acknowledged out of my peripheral vision that Adam wanted to comfort me, but decided not to.

"Me neither. But I _want_ to be friends again; I miss having a girl as a best friend that can help me at times when guys can't." I choked out a laugh, trying to loosen up to Adam. He meant no harm to me, and I would try to make this work. Again.

"So why did you not want to go meet up at the Dot?" Adam asked, breaking the silence. I cringed slightly.

"Memories." I murmured and Adam froze by my side.

"Sorry." He said, and I shook my head.

"It's fine. Just… _we_ used to hang out too much there. I thought it would be good to go somewhere that we hadn't visited that often." The silence emerged again, and I let it overcome us, taking in the calm silence.

I looked at my watch, nearly jumping from the table. Adam stared at me, one of his eyebrows rising.

"It's past ten." I said, picking up my bag hastily. "I promised my mom that I would be home!" I tried to walk away from the table, but Adam grabbed my arm.

"I'll walk you home." He murmured, and I nodded. We were soon near my house, and for some reason, I felt an urge to ask him to stay the night. I hadn't had a conversation with any other friends other than Alli in a while, but I decided that now was not the time.

"Thanks," I said, smiling up at him. "For doing _this_. It means a lot to me." Adam leaned closer as if he was losing his balance, but then regained it. He shrugged.

"It's okay, I mean, you _are_ my best friend, also, and I can't do that to you. It's wrong." I looked down, breathing in deeply.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked, hoping to see that he would say _yes_. After a moment, Adam nodded.

"Yeah, of course." He said, and I smiled again. "Bye, Clare." He murmured before leaving me at the front of my house. I smiled; it was good having Adam as a friend again.


	3. Comics

**This was just purely written for fun. It was actually fairly easy to write this chapter, which is only a filler on the past.**

**Reviews are appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

I could feel my stomach fill with butterflies as I neared Degrassi for another day in school, looking to see if Adam was sitting out at one of the benches. Unfortunately, I had come earlier than most people, so I sat at one of the benches, lowering my bag next to me. I took out some of the homework that I _couldn't_ finish since I had hung out with Adam, but I still couldn't focus. Having an old friend reconnect with me again made me nearly ecstatic, and all I wanted to do was talk with him, even though he was probably sleeping at the time. It was just so... _exciting_ to have Adam as a friend again.

I took out my laptop, waiting for the login screen to appear. As I hastily entered my password, the computer went faster and I was able to reach Microsoft Word without a hassle. I started vampire fan fiction during the summer again, forgetting how much fun it _was_ to write something in your own words. My fingers touched the keys hastily as I got more into the chapter.

"_Do you know what it did to me?" I yelled at Elijah, venom pouring through my words. I saw Elijah wince as I continued. "I waited for _months_ for you to change, to apologize and you never did. How do you think that it's different now?"_

_I saw Elijah's emeralds glimmer slightly as the moonlight caught in them, and for once I wasn't appealed to them. "I am guilty, I know, but I can't change. I won't. No one should be allowed to treat others like that! Your kind does not have a right to kill my kind."_

"_And yet, I don't want to kill _you_. Maybe it's because your sarcasm is too thick in your blood." I joked, and I saw Elijah stifle a laugh. I snorted. "You think it's funny that we are drawn to each other?"_

_Elijah's face fell. "Clara, I can't help it. When a vampire attacks, humans should have a right to fight back!" He leaned in closer, and I held my breath, afraid that I would do the inevitable and lunge for his throat._

_"Do you not understand that sometimes it is _your _kind who starts the fight?" I asked, hiding my weakness._

_"I need you." He breathed, and I didn't know if I could handle it. I shook my head. "And you need me, too! We keep each other sane." He looked down into my eyes, and I could feel myself agreeing with him. "Please." he pleaded._

"_We don't belong together." I said, before disappearing at the speed of light._

My mood had changed while I was writing, thinking about why Eli and I had broken up.

_Eli groaned as we discussed what had happened before break, at the 'Night in Vegas Dance'. "You don't understand that I can't change! Bullies need to be shown that it's wrong."_

"_It's not only that, Eli!" I retorted, raising a hand to my head. "When I told you to run, you didn't even bother. You could've gotten yourself killed! Did you want to die?" I asked, and I calmed down slightly as Peter put down my coffee in front of me._

_Eli watched as Peter walked away from the table. He opened his mouth and closed it, now glancing at me. "I didn't know what to do," he muttured, and I groaned. "If I ran away, he would know that I feared him; it was the tougher way out."_

"_Eli, sometimes things go too far. For instance, that night; did you think of how it would affect _me_?" I let silence come between us as I listened to the hum from the other tables around us. I didn't mention how it ironic it would be that if he had died, that he would've been in Julia's footsteps as I would be in his._

_Eli looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep in days. I felt guilt for arguing with him, since I had had enough with my parents alone, but I couldn't help it. I was outraged by his actions. "I'm sorry." He murmured, and I shook my head._

"_That's not enough." I pushed him further, feeling my strength loosen. "Why is it that over and over, I fall for you?" I asked, and I could feel tears coming to surface. I pick up my coffee cup, sipping a generous amount before swallowing. "I can't do this." I whispered, and he looked at me in disbelief. "I told you that if you kept this up, I didn't think I could go with this. This could happen again, and I don't have the power to handle it again."_

_I slowly got out of my seat in a haze, not hearing anything quite clearly. I slowly got back to my house, falling on my bed, crying for reasons that I didn't know yet._

"Clare?" Adam asked and I jumped, smiling weakly.

"H-hey." I stuttered, looking down at my laptop. I saved the chapter, posting it on the vampire fanfic site.

"Busy daydreaming?" He joked, and I shook my head. I couldn't laugh after thinking about it.

"Nah, just… thinking." I assured him, while assuring myself. I had screwed it up between Eli and me. But I had a good reason to-he couldn't handle to back down once in a while. He should tell a teacher next time if things get too out of hand.

One thing that came out of it that was good was Fitz being expelled. That had made me smile every time I thought about it, knowing that the only other high school in the district was a private school with uniforms I believed to be worse than _these_.

"Oh." Adam said, sending me out of my thoughts again. I smiled.

"So, anything planned today?" I asked, looking through the reviews on my other work. Most of them were nice, but none of them criticized my work as hard as I thought they could. I rolled my eyes as I closed my laptop.

"Not that I have right now." He said, bringing out another comic. I gently took the comic, seeing the word _Goon_ written on the front page.

"Are these good?" I asked, and he nodded. I scanned through the comic, raising my eyebrows every once in a while as I saw scenes that interested me. "Do you mind if I give it back to you tomorrow?" I asked, and Adam looked stunned. I shyly smiled.

"I didn't think you'd take interest in it," he said. "But if you like it, I could lend you the series. I've already read them several times." I shrugged.

"I like reading books; maybe I'll like these, too." I looked back up at his light eyes showing an unfathomable expression. "Thanks, again." I said, reading it as I walked into the school.

As the second bell rang, I couldn't take my eyes off of the comic. It was so… _interesting_. I could understand why Adam could read these for hours; all the interesting conversations in them were perfectly written, as well as the illustrations. And this was no manga or anime; this was pure _gold._

* * *

**When I wrote "Why is it that over and over, I fall for you?", it's from the song, _Over and Over_ by Three Days Grace. I absolutely adore the song :)**


	4. Occurences

**I have read from the reviews that some people are interested in the background of Eclare, which I am thinking of doing _after_ I finish the story. Not much happened between them, and their breakup was mentioned in the previous chapter. But, if that's what interests you, I'd be happy to write about the background of the relationship!**

**Also, sorry if something relating to comics is off; I am not a comic expertise in any way. AND the story will get better ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do now own Degrassi**

* * *

Adam couldn't help but feel like an ass for not talking to Clare Edwards in so long. Eli had been _wrong_ about many things involving her, and yet he believed him. Because he was his best friend; but he had more than _one_ best friend at the time, which he had forgotten.

And now, all he could think about was how he was going to stay _both_ of their friends. If they completely loathed each other for eternity, Adam knew that he would have a problem to staying in the presence of both of them.

He couldn't help but stare at Clare as she walked into Degrassi, looking through _Goon_. Out of all things, she had chosen a comic book to read, and not only _a_ comic book, but _his_ comic book. Adam breathed out a smile, thinking about how one of his best friends was full of surprises.

* * *

When Eli came around one of the halls, Adam tried to blend in with all the other colors, but of course, blue only conflated with purple, which was nowhere in the hall he was present in. Eli had noticed Adam kneeling slightly down as if to escape, but he shrugged it off.

"Adam!" He yelled over the murmurs in the hallway. Adam sighed heavily, giving up, and walked over to the boy who wore a blue polo, just like him. "What's… going on?" He asked with an eyebrow raised.

Adam shrugged. "The usual. How about you?" He asked as they walked to Adam's next class. Eli rolled his eyes.

"Nothing. But seriously, what's with you? It was like you were hiding from someone."

Adam thought quickly, but instead he blurted, "Bullies! I was afraid that one of them would come down this hallway." Eli's face hardened.

"Bullying is not permitted. Plus, Fitz is expelled and Bianca doesn't come here anymore." Adam could feel a sweat start on the back of his neck, and nervously chuckled.

"I don't know." He shrugged, and Eli let it drop. "Are you going to pick up the new _Goon_ comic tonight? I need a ride, since I can't drive and all."

Eli chuckled as they reached Adam's room. "Yeah. Want to come?" Adam nodded hastily before nearly running into his class, leaving a very confused Eli Goldsworthy at the door.

* * *

Clare was still addicted to the first comic that Adam had given her; it was better than Fortnight by a sliver. She was determined to get the series, one by one, but didn't know if any comic stores held all in the series.

"Hey Alli, I need to go to a store to ask for something; up for going with me?"

Alli grinned at her best friend. "Shopping? Are you seriously asking me that question?"

Clare's face slightly fell. "It's more like shopping for a… comic… book." Alli gaped at Clare who now looked nervously at the floor.

"A comic book?" She forced out after several tries. Clare nodded, pleading Alli.

"Adam gave me one, and-"

"When did Adam start talking to you again?" Alli asked, a smile playing at her lips. Clare rolled her eyes.

"He was at my house last night, and he wanted to apologize for ignoring me. And then today, I asked if I could borrow this." She murmured, taking out the comic.

"Oh," She said, her eyes slightly widening. "When I would hang out at Drew's house, I would see Adam reading these. He was like… mesmerized by them." She laughed, but shook her head. "Actually, I'm sorry, Clare, but I will _never_ step foot into a comic book store. Not my thing." She sympathized afterwards, but Clare had already forgotten that Alli was there. She would have to go alone.

* * *

Eli waited inside of Morty for Adam, leaving his class five minutes early. He hoped that Adam would make this easy for him, and just ditch the last minutes of class, but he didn't. Adam wouldn't be able to live it down if his mother knew about it.

He tuned the radio to a station, freezing when he heard _Stripped_ by Shiny Toy Guns, automatically thinking of Clare. This was the one of the songs that she introduced him to, saying that it was one that made her think differently about controversies.

His gaze went somewhere else while he wondered if Clare was happy. He surely wasn't. His life was hell, knowing that he lost two of his girlfriends because of his petty decisions.

"_Let me hear you crying, just for me," Clare sang, and Eli couldn't help but smile at her voice. She didn't acknowledge that Eli was still in the car, driving to nowhere in particular._

"_You're a good singer." He stated, and Clare started to blush._

"_I forgot you were here." She admitted sheepishly, looking at him from under her bangs._

"_It's okay. But you should sing more." He stated, making a left turn. She shook her head._

"_No. I do not sing." Eli raised his eyebrows in amusement._

"_You were just singing five seconds ago." He laughed, parking Morty in front of an old restaurant. Clare hadn't been here before._

_Clare and Eli exchanged glances, neither bothering to open their doors yet. Eli wished that he could tell Clare how much she meant to him, but that's what he had told Julia before she had died. He gulped back his fear, smiling shyly. "Well, let's just forget about that." She said, opening her door. Eli's hand grasped hers in a matter of milliseconds, and at that moment, Eli knew that Clare wasn't mean to be with him._

"_I must be really needy to have you." He breathed, and Clare's eyes grew angry._

"_You chose me, and I chose you. We both are fifty percent of the relationship." Eli sighed, smirking._

"_I'd like to think I'm about seventy percent, and you thirty." Clare gaped at him, hitting his shoulder as his grasp loosened._

"_You wish." She smiled, getting out of the car._

"Dude." Adam said, and Eli looked up at his friend expectantly. "You forgot to unlock the doors, idiot." He muttered under his breath, making his way to the passenger door. Hopping in, he took in a deep breath. "You okay?" He asked, but Eli didn't acknowledge it.

Eli was still backing out in Morty as Clare walked out, the comic in her hand. Eli nearly slammed on the break once seeing her, but Adam begged him to pay attention to where he was going.

"Sorry." He muttered, driving to the comic book store. He wondered what Clare had been looking at that was so interesting, but shrugged it off. _Goon_ was more important at the moment.

* * *

Adam and Eli walked in carefree, laughing about the previous comic of _Goon_. Eli thought that they had been getting worse as the series went on, but Adam thought they improved.

"They need more action in them." Eli said, looking through other comics, uninterested. "I mean, the last one was so _dull_, like the average life of a human. What happened?"

Adam shrugged, looking at the door.

"Adam." Clare acknowledged, smiling as she walked up to the two. She barely noticed Eli gaping at her and saw that the title of the comic in her hands was _Goon_.

"What are you doing here?" Adam managed to say. Clare chuckled.

"I wanted to buy one. You know, so then I wouldn't have to borrow yours in the future." Eli's eyes nearly bulged out the same time as Adam's did, and Adam blinked back his confusion.

"Oh. Well, they just released another one today. We were going to buy it." He said, his finger pointing back and fourth from the two. Clare weakly smiled at Eli, who made no gesture back, still from shock.

"Cool." Clare said, unfazed. She handed the comic back to Adam, who's shyly looked away from her light blue eyes, and walked up to the counter, buying her first comic. Once she had bought the comic, she walked back up to the two boys who were still watching her. "I'll see you guys around." She said, walking out of the comic book, intensely reading the first page of _Goon_.

Eli blinked before saying, "What the hell, man?" He hit Adam's shoulder with unnecessary force. "You let her borrow a _comic_? You wouldn't even let me borrow yours!" Adam rolled his eyes, coming up to the counter.

"Well, I know that you lose things easily, and Clare, being the saint she is, is very protective of others belongings." Eli groaned, following him.

"And when did you start talking to her again? What did I say to you?"

Adam was starting to get agitated that Eli still was angry at Clare. "Dude, shut up." He said angrily. "She was my best friend when you were, and I'm not going to edge her out anymore because you tell me to. She's my friend, and she understands me like you do."

Eli's eyes tightened before he said, "I can't believe you." After buying the new comic, Eli and Adam rode in silence to Adam's house. Eli wanted to talk to Adam about Clare, but he couldn't get it out yet. Adam forced the door closed and walked away from the hearse, up to his house.


	5. The Start of Something Bad

**The ending will surely surprise some of you.**

**AND THE COMIC BOOK TALK ENDS HERE. I'm somewhat happy it's over =)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi**

* * *

Clare was busily writing fan fiction on a Sunday morning, but instead of _vampire_ fan fiction, it was _comic book_ fan fiction. She wondered how she could've changed so much within several days.

She had become addicted to the characters, no doubt. It was something that made her busy, to get her mind off of the real world around her. She sighed happily as she finished another chapter, sending it on the site.

By now, she had finished four comic books and had become a daily customer. The storekeeper, Dave, would always smile at her as she walked in, making her feel at home.

She brought out her phone, since her hands were cramping from writing so much, and texted Adam.

_Meet up somewhere?_

She sent the message, logging off of the computer. As she closed her laptop her phone rang.

_Park in ten?_

She smiled to herself, agreeing with him. She had grown a liking to Adam, since he had forgiven her, and since he had an interest in comics that Alli didn't have, she had a reason to see him often.

She listened to her IPod on the way to the park, smiling warmly as she saw Adam's light gray jacket hunched over the table.

"Reading another comic?" She asked, sitting beside him. He nodded, closing the book.

"It's the new one," He murmured, smiling down at her. "It's _really_ good."

"I'll have to get it sometime." She asked, dropping her bag down on the grass. Adam shook his head.

"You can borrow mine." Clare's eyes softened the tiniest as she thanked him. "I didn't know that I would become addicted to them." She laughed, and Adam did as well.

"That's the effect it has." He retorted, and soon enough they talked about academics. Clare had been having an easy time with junior year, but for Adam, senior year was harder. "It's a lot to take in." He said, leaning his back against the table.

"I know what you mean," Clare started, looking forward. "But then, once you get used to it, it's a breeze." Adam hastily nodded his head, and they sat in a peaceful silence for several minutes while the wind came and went. "How's Eli?" She asked.

Adam shrugged. "He's alright. Having a little trouble with getting used to us hanging out again." Clare hummed slightly, her brows furrowing.

"Does it bother him that we talk?" She asked, and Adam shook his head, even though he was lying.

"He'll have to get used to if it he hasn't already." Clare's eyes widened.

"No, I shouldn't interfere with any 'bro code'. I mean, you and Eli have been great friends. You shouldn't make him angry."

"This is what I _want_ to do, Clare." He said, and she smiled up at him.

"I just feel like I'm interfering with your friendship. I don't hate Eli, but it seems like he hates me."

Adam gulped. "Well, he _was_ mad at first, but now I think he just needs to forget about it. You seem to." He pointed out, and Clare sheepishly laughed.

"I must be good at hiding it then." She softly said, and Adam raised an eyebrow. "I still love him, but it just doesn't work. It's forbidden." Adam laughed slightly as he received a death glare from Clare.

"It's what happens some times. Like with Drew and Alli."

"I think that's different." She softly murmured as a gust of wind came by. Clare brought her knees up to her chest, shaking slightly. Adam, without thinking, shrugged his arm over her shoulder. Clare looked at him with an unfathomable expression, and Adam mentally slapped himself. He was taking advantage of her vulnerability, and being a bad friend to Eli.

"Thanks." She smiled, and Adam nodded. He was happy that she didn't notice that he was becoming nervous around her.

After a half hour, Adam walked Clare home, stopping at the front of her house.

"Once again, thanks for being my friend." She said, bringing Adam in an embrace. After she leaned out, she gave him a peck on the cheek, happily walking inside.

**Of course, reviews are happily accepted.**


	6. Mixed Signals

**Reviews are greatly appreciated because I want to see what you guys think will happen ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi**

* * *

Monday morning, Clare felt enlightened for some reason she couldn't put her finger on. She shrugged it off, thinking that it may have been because she had Adam to hang out with now. She also had found out that Eli may be willing to befriend her again, which made her giddy inside.

She sang to her radio as she got dressed for school in her red polo, making a face as she saw it on her in the mirror. She couldn't wait until she was in her senior year, where the colored polo was actually a good color. She had loathed the red polo since she had told Eli that he looked good in it.

Carefully putting her cross necklace around her fragile neck, she skipped down the stairs to an empty house. Her mother had left for work already; her hours had changed. Clare rolled her eyes, grabbing a bowl and cereal to eat in silence.

As the time came closer to seven o'clock, Clare put on her flats and walked out of her house, a smile still attached to her house. Since she was early, she made a short stop at the Dot.

"Medium mocha to go." She told Peter, looking around from where she stood. She noticed that many of the customers in the small restaurant were from Degrassi, wearing their uniforms with no dignity what so ever.

One that caught her eye was a dark brown haired senior that faced away from her. She sighed, staring for another second, before darting to the door with her mocha in hand.

* * *

"Did you want to do something later today?" Alli asked, and Clare nodded.

"I'm guessing you're thinking of going to the mall." Clare guessed and Alli shook her head.

"Actually, I was thinking we could just hang out at one of our houses. My parents took away my allowance, and I haven't found an opening anywhere recently, so no shopping for me." Alli's eyes saddened and Clare put a hand on her shoulder.

"We can go to my house." She stated, and Alli returned a weak smile. Clare and Alli headed to their next class, which was Clare's only class with Adam. Clare smiled as Alli ranted on, thinking about seeing Adam. She hadn't been paying attention to what Alli had said, but Clare didn't think she noticed.

"Hey Adam." Clare smiled at Adam who now sat closer to her table. Adam returned the gesture.

"Hey, Clare." He said, and Clare could sense an awkward emotion around them.

"Everything okay?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. Adam nodded.

"Yeah, sorry. I guess I'm just tired." Clare laughed, shaking her head.

"Maybe we shouldn't have hung out yesterday." She said.

"No!" Adam said too quickly. He then panicked as he looked for the words to say, not wanting to spend time _away_ from Clare. Clare smiled, egging him to go on. "It's just Drew… he's been waking me up constantly." He smoothly lied.

"Okay." She said before Alli interrupted.

As the class went by, Clare and Adam exchanged glances. Clare would usually smile as Adam shyly looked away, which made her smile wider. She thought it was funny.

"Looking at me, huh?" Clare asked kindly once the bell rang. Adam nervously looked away from her gorgeous blue eyes.

"No." He sheepishly chuckled, and Clare rolled her eyes, leaving it at that.

"So, how about tomorrow we do something? More interesting than the park, I mean." Adam hadn't noticed that they had already gotten to her next class.

"Yeah." He managed to say, smiling down at her. She stepped closer, but he awkwardly took a step back, making Clare freeze where she was.

"Sorry." She murmured, before disappearing in her classroom. Adam mentally slapped himself again; he had just sent her a mixed signal. Adam never thought that he would experience doing that to someone, but he just had.

* * *

Instead of waiting for Alli (or Adam), Clare hurriedly walked away from Degrassi, hoping that she could get as far away from it. What Adam had done was something that reminded her of Eli, when she thought that he didn't want her. It was a cruel thing to do to someone's fragile heart, but it seemed like Clare's was already broken. With her family tearing apart at the seams, and now her new friends giving her mixed signals, she didn't think of what else could happen.

Once she saw her house in sight, she nearly sprinted up to the door, ignoring all the stares that she received. She slammed the door, falling to the couch, waiting for the crying to come. But surprisingly, they didn't. She couldn't cry. She didn't actually have a _need_ to; she was just upset.

She texted Alli, saying that she could come over in an hour. Clare was glad that Alli couldn't see the mood that she was in.

_Sure! See you soon :)_

She closed her phone, and for some reason she disliked Alli's cheery mood. She wished that she could have that, and she wished that she was just as big of a flirt that Alli was. She _never_ got rejected because she was pretty, and she had had more popularity and boyfriends than Clare ever had. Clare gripped the phone tighter before chucking it across the room, stunning herself.

Did she just have her first tantrum? Slowly she nodded her head; yes, she did. It surprised her, making her feel somewhat _relieved_, but she didn't enjoy thinking of what her cell phone could've hit. It could've broken something that was of value.

Taking her mind off of her outburst, she turned on the TV, watching the news. It contained everything from the latest rape victim to the next murder, which made Clare angry. Was the world falling to an end soon?

She jumped as she heard the doorbell ring, noticing that Alli would be at her front door. She hesitantly opened the door and faked a smile for her best friend.

"Come in!" She said with too much enthusiasm. Alli raised her eyebrow, taking in Clare's house once again.

"I guess you're happy to have me over." She laughed, and Clare shrugged. Alli was her best friend, and had been for a long time.

"Well, we haven't seen each other for half a year! It's been a long time." Clare walked over to the kitchen, grabbing two water bottles. Alli took the water with not much interest, looking at the pictures that hung on the walls of the living room.

"Saint Clare's family is basically a portrait on every wall in the house." She giggled, and Clare sighed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up." Alli started, but Clare shook her head.

"It's fine; just… it's something different to experience now. I didn't think it would happen to my family." She trailed off of the conversation as Alli went by the TV, turning on Rock Band. Clare giggled as she took the guitar and Alli the microphone. It was going to be a fun day.


	7. Wrongdoings?

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi**

* * *

"Bye Alli." I laughed as Alli left the house. I stood in the threshold, waving goodbye as she got into Sav's car. She said that her parents were too busy to pick her up, and that Sav _was_ in charge of his little sister while they weren't at home.

I laughed; thinking about how my parents said the same thing when Darcy lived in the house. Darcy had shown me several things that I had found useful for when I would be a freshman in Degrassi, and I never thought I would've taken her advice. But, of course, we had grown close while she was in Kenya, which I enjoyed. It reminded me that my family was _still_ together, even if my father left us.

* * *

"Clare!" An ebullient voice said as the front door closed. I froze, knowing that my mom didn't have such a manly voice. I slowly turned around to see my father, standing in the threshold.

I couldn't decide whether or not I was shocked or angry, or a combination of the two. He had left suddenly; out of my life in one second. I could feel the rage come back to surface.

"When are you leaving next? In an hour?" I spat, regretting my tone. I had never been such a bad child before, but that was because I hadn't believed in many things. And most of those things had happened over several months.

My fathers face fell as he walked closer to me, as I stumbled backwards. I fought the urge to cry as I fell down, scrambling to get farther away from him. I was too slow, as always, and could feel that _he_ would win and pull me into an embrace. I let my arms hang loosely at my sides, a tear cascading down my face.

"I missed my daughter." He breathed, and I rolled my eyes.

"You have two, if you don't remember." I growled, and he pulled out of the hug.

"Excuse me, but what is with _this_ tone?" He asked, and I shrugged, walking away from him.

"I'm angry; it's better to let go of your emotions than bottle them up." I stated, and my father stood, confused.

"You're angry? Why?" I fought the urge to scream at him, but couldn't help but get into his face.

"You want to know _why_? It's because _you_ left without any trace! _You_ left mom and I all by ourselves and _you_ didn't care! Mom and I don't want you anymore!" I was now crying and hitting his chest with the force that I knew I had, and he didn't try to stop me. I cried until nothing came out, and then the sorrow emotion engulfed me again.

It was one of the worse things that I had ever experienced, and it took _weeks_ to get rid of the feeling. My father still stood there, but now he leaned his weight towards the door, as if to make a run for it.

"If you leave," I said, with utterly strong dignity. "_N__ever_ come back."

And like that, he left. I smiled slightly, plopping back on the couch, thinking about what I had just done. I had just won an argument against one of my parents, which I hadn't done in a long time. Darcy had always done it when she was in Canada, but now it was my responsibility to make sure that things ran smoothly in the household.

My mother came back within the hour and I grinned menacingly as she walked in.

"How was your day, Clare?" She asked, setting her keys down on the table. I shrugged, the smile still on my face.

"Dad came back." I said, and my mother froze. Her eyebrows furrowed.

"Why do you look so happy about it?" She asked, and I shook my head, my grin falling.

"Well I told him that we didn't want him anymore, and that he wasn't welcome anymore. So now," I said, getting up from the couch. "We don't have to worry, Mom! He'll never be back!" I giggled, waiting for her to do the same.

She didn't.

I saw as several emotions ran across her face, and most of them were ones that I was not proud of. I could feel my confidence plummeting, figuring out that I had done something wrong.

"You told him to leave?" She asked, and I hastily nodded.

"He was holding us back, Mom! Now you don't have to worry." My voice had become smaller as I saw her emotion change to disappointment.

"Clare," was all she said, and I frowned, lowering my head. "I need him, Clare." She softly murmured, and I looked at her with an unfathomable expression.

"You don't need that scumbag, Mom!" She shook her head, groaning.

"Yes I do, Clare!" She argued, and then stopped. She held a hand to her forehead as she said, "Go upstairs." I couldn't help but feel another tantrum coming over me as I did what I told to do, and shut my bedroom door with unnecessary force. I was trying to help us! I had seen what my mother had been fighting for months since his departure, and now, all of a sudden she _needs_ him?

I shook my head. "Adults," I muttered, and then walked over to my cell phone. I dialed Adam's phone number, praying that he would answer the phone.

"Hello?" A partly groggy voice said, and I wondered if Adam had been taking a nap.

"Hey," I softly said in the receiver, and I could hear Adam yawn. "I wanted to talk." I said, and a silence took over.

"Now?" He asked, and I looked at the clock to see that it was close to midnight.

"Oh, sorry! I didn't know that it was midnight. I guess I was just caught up in everything." I trailed off, not wanting to hang up the cell phone. Right now, all I needed to do was talk to Adam about this and then I'd be OK.

"It's alright," he yawned once again, and I felt another guilt wave for waking him up. "So, would you like to talk about it right now?" I nodded, remembering that it wasn't useful to just nod at no one.

"It's my parents," I started, telling him the whole story and what my mother had said afterwards. Adam had remained silent for the whole time, and I wondered if he had hung up. "And now, I just feel like I'm the worst kid in the world." I stated, and Adam chuckled.

"_I_ would be before you, I promise." He said, and I forced out a laugh. "Just give her some space, and later on she'll find out that it was better for her. You did the right thing, Clare."

"I hope so," I lightly added, glancing around my room. "I'll talk to you in school tomorrow. Bye, Adam!"

"Bye, Clare." I waited for Adam to hang up, and sighed sadly once he did. I was alone, once again.

* * *

**Review? :)**


	8. Pain

I woke up the next morning feeling… different. I didn't bother to acknowledge my mother that morning, basically running out the door in fear. Right now, the only thing I _didn't_ fear was Adam Torres. Adam had become my guardian, and I was able to tell him anything that I needed to.

One thing that I couldn't tell him was my new hobby.

After my conversation with Adam by phone, I kept hearing my mother cry downstairs on the house phone, talking about what I had done. I let several tears fall down my face before noticing that this is what _Adam_ had been through when he had changed to Gracie. I winced, thinking about how he used the lighter and a hair clip to inflict pain on his self; did it hurt that bad? I had seen him wince while doing it, but I hadn't thought anything of it.

I slowly raised my hand to the barrette that was placed neatly on the side of my head, holding my bangs away from my face. The neatly painted barrette was something that I had, but I was positive that I didn't have a lighter.

I looked around my room from my bed, seeing a shine of a blade I once used for woodwork. It was a pocketknife that Darcy got me when she first sent a package from Africa, and I enrolled in a woodworking class that involved small wood sculptures.

I walked over to the blade, looking at it as I held it in my hands. The blade should be dull enough to not make an incision into me, but I wanted to make sure.

I lightly applied pressure to my wrist, wincing and dropping the knife as a small amount of blood came from the cut. I had been wrong; pocketknives do not dull easily.

* * *

Running to the bathroom, making sure that my mom was still talking on the phone, I lightly ran the water from the faucet above my cut, gasping slightly as the wound was cleaned. I watched in amusement as the red water became clear in several seconds, and touched the cut to make sure it wouldn't bleed anymore. I thanked God, thanking him for stopping the blood from being released.

* * *

"_Why would my perfect daughter do this to herself?" Mom asked the doctor as I watched impatiently from the door's window, seeing that Darcy was sound asleep. I sighed soundlessly, thinking about what my mother had just said. I would _never _be the perfect daughter of the family, and I knew that for sure._

_My family didn't value me as much as they did with Darcy. Even Darcy can cut herself and get away with it, still being in first place._

"_We don't know yet, but her friend," he said, pointing to Manny Santos. "Might know why you daughter has done this." Mom walked impatiently to Manny, and all I heard was her response._

"_I think she should tell you, Mrs. Edwards." She said, and I saw her nervously looked at both of us. Dad kept his distance from her wife and her outburst, but I couldn't help but take advantage of this time._

"_She isn't perfect, Mom." I received a glare from her, her eyes glinting with anger._

"_To me, she is." Mom murmured, looking through the window as Darcy's chest rose and fell._

_I snorted. "Then what am I to you, Mom?" I almost whispered, and I could see her pained face. But I couldn't help myself; I wanted to push my luck. Darcy didn't deserve to be the perfect child because she was born first._

"_We are not having this discussion." She sternly said, walking away from me. All I could do was stand where I was and stare at her retreating figure. I was helpless._

* * *

Now, I wondered why I had done such a stupid thing. I could've killed myself like Darcy had attempted. I could've had a never ending flow of blood coming out of my wrist, and my mom wouldn't notice until the next day. Or maybe the day after that.

I shook my head, shutting my eyes tightly. I would _not_ cry over something as ridiculous as this.

Degrassi once again came in sight and I groaned internally. I wished that I had taken the offer to go into private school when I had, so then I wouldn't have to deal with this. But I wanted to be normal; not the Saint Clare who wears a uniform to school. I had changed, thank goodness, but I was still the nerdy girl I would always be. My grip on my bag tightened as I fought the urge to cry again, and sat down at one of the benches.

* * *

Adam had told Clare that he would meet her out in front of the school by seven, which meant that he was thirty minutes late. Clare could feel her control slipping as she wondered if Adam really _was_ her guardian angel. Guardian angels would never leave someone behind without a notice.

Clare dropped her head into her hands, shallowly breathing. She couldn't hold all of the frustration and anger she had for herself, but she couldn't cut at school. That wasn't acceptable; someone would obviously see her arm bleeding. But Clare had to do it, or else she wouldn't be able to get through the day. She had forgotten about the pain that it had inflicted, and she wanted to feel it again. She wanted to feel what people who were in her position felt.

She walked in the back of the school, pacing nervously before sitting down, leaning her back against the wall. She didn't feel safe doing this in back of the school; what if it wouldn't stop bleeding? Clare shook her head, murmuring the words over and over again.

"You did this to yourself." She repeatedly cried, taking out the knife from her bag. She wondered where she was going to put it before school started; she would leave it under the dumpster and then come back after school for it. Clare smiled as much as she could, which was very weak, and brought out the blade. She had cleaned it, just in case this was to happen again.

Clare looked on both of her arms, seeing where her second cut should be. She saw on the other side of her arm a potential spot that was too perfect, too fragile. She brought the blade up to the spot, applying more pressure than before. She couldn't help but let out a cry, which she feared was too loud.

She watched as the blood started to stop, and brought out a sanitary wipe that she had gotten from a restaurant. It was sad though, to know that Clare had come prepared for this. She had expected this to happen once again because she _enjoyed_ feeling the slate be clean.

Cleaning the cut was unfathomable to Clare. It painfully hurt and started the bleeding once again, which was when she started to freak out. She tried as best as she could to take deep breaths, and to stop herself from panicking. It took several minutes for the blood to stop once again, and then she hesitated. Should she try the process again? Or would it bleed further on? She looked up at the sky as if God were going to give her an answer.

"You can't clean cuts with sanitary wipes; there's a product in it that keeps the cut from healing." Clare looked wearily at the person in front of her, losing consciousness slowly as the boy helped with the cut.

* * *

**So this is how it comes at the moment. Sorry I haven't been able to write any more chapters recently; I have been loaded with school work and it's just too much for me to deal with. So, I will try and get as many chapters in as I can.**

**As you can tell, this story will have many unpredicted things happen in it, which is what just happens. Spur of the moment as I say. I didn't expect the cutting episode to come this early, but it seemed necessary to come to the things that I want in my next chapters.**

**And one thing I want to know is, am I going to fast? I feel like this chapter could've been broken down into several chapters, but this isn't anything compared to what I may write in the future ;)**

**The song that inspired this was _When She Cries_ by Britt Nicole. I had seen the song on another story, and I have fallen in love with it. It's truly about a girl who cannot help but feel that cutting will clean the slate once again. I highly recommed you listen to it.**

**R&R**


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